The past few weeks have been rough. I lost my grandmother a little over a week ago. Our time in Chicago for her funeral service is such a blur. I'm in a funk that I cannot explain. I Googled how to cope with losing your grandparent . I didn't read the articles that I found. After I realized what I was doing I decided to get off of the Internet. I sat quietly. No more tears. Nearly numb. Mourning. For me, I found it good to mourn. My Lola is the only grandparent that I ever knew. The only grandparent that I got to love. The last time that I saw her alive was at our wedding. August 2008. This next statement may not make much sense. I am trying to let some of these confusing thoughts and feelings out. I was MORE sad the last time that I saw her alive than when I saw her at rest. My final image of my Grandma is a peaceful one. She looked as beautiful as I remember her to be. She truly looked as if she were sleeping... When I last saw her alive, it broke my heart